worldcup online – the real conversation

Flame Grilled – from our own correspondents

June 29th, 2006 by · No Comments · Armchair Fan, Football

Chaps, I’m not one to shirk personal responsibility but my heavy tipping of Spain for the Semis still looks a sound one, even in hindsight. I did stress that the game would be won [or lost] in their heads. Who could have imagined a French team that nearly went out in the groups actually playing close to their potential? Spain looked to me as if they were too scared to lose, too scared to play.

As for England, I know the World Cup is a showcase that has kick-started many a career but I’ve never seen such shameless self publicity. Being sick is obviously the new metatarsal and Beckham seems to have learnt a lot from watching team-mate Zidane. I know he wants a move back to the Premiership but all that honking on the pitch, please. It’s clear to me he’s making a play for a Tottenham gig, a team with a reputation for losing their lunch when the going gets tough, but let’s have a bit of subtlety. A traditional brown paper bag would be more the thing in both respects. Whatever next, a Radcliffe in the dug-out?

As I have had a run of success on the England formation, if not the results, here is my definitive selection for the victory over Portugal [oh yes]. I’ve also included my marks out of ten so far.

First Half

Robinson [5]

Neville [?], Ferdinand [4], Terry [4], Cole A [8]

Carrick [6]

Beckham [6], Lampard [3], Gerrard [4], Cole J [6]

Albino Shrek [5]

Second Half


Neville, Ferdinand, Terry, Cole A

Lennon, Beckham, Gerrard, Cole J [Downing]

Albino Shrek [Baby Gooner], BeanstalK

Ketchup or mayo with your sombrero? – Lee W

I missed both games after drinking my own body weight in Pimms at Wimbledon. In fact I also digested about a bush of Mint with it.

However, there is an article in the Grauniad saying that maybe winning ugly should be welcomed and we should all stop complaining about how poor we are. Other than the bye through to the semis Italy has, we aren’t in bad shape…

Not sure about svennis and his super subs strategy tho..Wayne Bridge? Fuck me..what was that about? When we’re pinned back put Lennon and Walcott on and frighten the bjesus out of the opposition by flying down their flanks. Attack is the best form of defence after all.

I see a semi against brazil..but then blackness..!

Ketchup or mayo with your sombrero? – Matt S

Hi chaps,

What happened to Spain then? Did they decide to lie down in homage to an old, bald, sweaty ex professional footballer who spent his twilight years gracing the turf of Madrid. Or after flattering to deceive in the group stage reverted to type and choked on the big stage.

I was going to send my latest work of madness/team selection but in all fairness three one nil wins, no flair and no scary moments would do it for me. Nine at the back, Roon up front and nick a scrappy goal.

Viva Owen Hargreaves!

Carrick? – oh yes – Matt S

My selection was not the work of a madman but careful analysis followed by 11 darts and a squad list!

I still stand by the mulletmeister but am seriously aiming the darts in the

direction of second striker. Against a team on a series of yellow cards

BabyGooner may be worth a run. I can't believe I said that!

Lampard will finally find cows behind with banjo as we limp on.

Scolari could probably beat us on his own but hopefully 'suspect latin

temperament' rears it's head. Just no pens please.

Carrick? – oh yes – Lee W

OH the folly of hindsight!

PukeBeckham and the lads limp to a Quarter Final

It was better..but how come Lampard can't hit a barn door wearing white, but

Blue he smashes them in from everywhere?

The referee of the other game obviously had a visit from Mr. Barwick and a

large brown envelope. BungTastic?

Scolari could still beat us with 7 men..but I have that feeling that we will

beat them. We wont play well, but as long as we keep winning.

Lampard to finally score one and rooney., Pauleta for them.

Bring on Braaazil and FatBoy Fat

Carrick? – oh yes – Del S


Your formation and selection below is the work of a madman. Why waste Cole J on the right, and you know he won't drop Beckham even if he had one leg. Will have to wait and see later today but according to the papers I was spot on and Carrick will play in front of the defence with a 4 man midfield. The Svenager has kept Das Mullet in at right back just to keep you happy. Bet Carraghers pissed off. Lone striker supported by Cole, Gerrard, Lampard, Beckham. Bout time. Got back to the UK this morning and read some comments about Wrighty that back up what you are saying below, looking forward to it. The mans a hyperactive nut but at least he's better than Captain Black of the Mysterons and Eyeore Lawro.

3-1 – Rooney, Gerrard, Beckham from a set-piece.


Hargreaves – Matt S

Surely you need a speedy, tough tackling, mullet wearing, Champions league winning defensive midfielder in front of the back four who won't go spraying 60 yard Hollywood passes around generally in the direction of oppositions back four? Until he was injured Ledley King would have been an option but hey ho. Hargreaves may not be English but the Germans don't seem to upset with a couple of Poles up front and the French won the damn thing with barely a French born player on the park. Carrick is too similar to the rest while Hargreaves is happy to win the ball and play it simple time after time.

Anyway, today's possible formation is …..


Carragher, Terry, Ferdinand


Cole J, Lampard, Cole A

Rooney, Gerrard


Oh and Ian Wright Wright Wright to give out the half time oranges, pep talk, pearls of wisdom – Don't wear a cardi on national TV!


Hargreaves – Del S

Thanks Matt,

I'll get it up this evening [oh er missis]. As for the formation – you need to include Cole A and get rid of Hargreaves and replace with Carrick to sit in front of back four. Get rid of Pavel RedNev and move Carragher to right back. Lennon for second halves only. Cross yer fingers that nothing happens to Rooney, if it does the Baby Gooner will save the day and win the cup on his own……….then I woke up. We will squeeze past Ecuador and lose to Holland.

There I said it.


Best excuse for late posting of story – Part 1 – Matt S

Sorry about delay but I've just resigned and been a touch busy. Anyway songs story is attached and have a think about the formation below.


Neville [or Beckham!], Carragher, Terry, Ferdinand


Lennon, Lampard, Gerrard, Cole [J]



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